Listen to your Mother

Am I a writer? I sure want to be but I always feel silly when I say it out loud. For goodness sakes! Harper Lee is a writer. Judy Blume is a writer. I am a stay-at-home-mom with a marketing degree.

In January I saw a post on a local mom's group calling for writers to audition for the Listen to your Mother Boulder show. A huge knot formed in my stomach as I emailed to schedule an audition time. What if they thought I was horrible? What if I made a joke of myself? I mean, I write, but am I really a writer?

As soon as I read about the Boulder show I knew the story I wanted to tell. Way back in 11th grade I wrote a simple story about my mom. I knew that version would never cut the mustard. The story poured out but it still wasn't good enough. After five drafts, late night inspiration struck and the story was written.

Interestingly, I wasn't nervous for the audition. After all, I'm not really a writer so what is the harm in trying. But the day the email arrived saying I was chosen for the cast, joy filled me. Someone liked what I wrote. My words made an impact.

However, the day of the first rehearsal, I was nervous. I felt like a little girl dressed in an oversized bridesmaid's dress. What if they made a mistake? What if they didn't actually mean to chose me and just got confused?

The rehearsal was outstanding. The room was filled with women of all ages and one man, a college sophomore. This group is solid. Business owners, professionals, mothers, daughters, mourners and saints. Beauty shared through our written words.

We each read our stories in the order we will present our work during the show. I follow the college student and then a mother of teenagers. Somehow the combination of these two stories left me weeping right before it was time to share my simple little story. We are talking full on ugly cry. The rawness, venerability and love touched my soul.

Truth be told, I was scared to death to read my story. It seemed insignificant in comparison to the magnitude of the words already spoken by the writers in the room. Yet, I read my story and the beautiful people in the room received it with loving grace.

I am humbled to be a part of this group of talented writers. The stories shared are beautiful. Each one captures a moment about being a mom, loving a mom, or just trying to survive childhood with a mother. They are funny, sad, hopeful and extremely honest and real.

Am I a writer? I am still not sure, but in that room on that night I sure felt like one.

If you are interested in hearing these fabulous stories, visit The Dairy Center website to buy your ticket for the Mother's Day show. The show is May 12 at 7:00 p.m. Bring a friend and tissue and share in this exciting experience.

My Easter Loves

Easter is one of my favorite holidays. This is mainly because it is in the spring and when Easter arrives I know I have made it through another Colorado winter. Here are a few pictures of my Easter loves.

Happy Easter!

Taking the Lord's Name in Vain

I want to begin by saying that I am not writing this to offend anyone. What I am about to share are my thoughts based on information I have acquired. You are free to disagree, but let us all agree that we can treat each other respectfully even if we see the world differently. 

Recently, I was in the Book of Exodus. As in the Old Testament. I was reading the Ten Commandments. Exodus 20:7 “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.”

I also attend BSF, Bible Study Fellowship, an international Bible study each week. Currently, we are studying Genesis. In Genesis Chapter 27 is the story of Jacob tricking his father Isaac and stealing his brother Esau’s blessing. In verse 20 Jacob answered his father’s inquiry by stating, “The Lord your God gave me success.” As we discussed this at Bible study, an idea was introduced to me that I had not learned prior. Our leader said that Jacob had taken God’s name in vain. What I had always understood about taking the Lord’s name in vain was about cussing while using one of the many names for God. However, while this is still the case, she said that taking God’s name in vain is actually to say that something is from God when it is not. That you are acting on behalf of direction from God when you are not. In other words, it is a misuse of God’s word. 

This kind of rocked my boat. You mean to tell me that is what the commandment is all about. It isn’t just letting a “Jesus Christ” slip out when I am mad? I have thought about this for awhile now. Let me be honest, I have certainly sinned in this way. I have used scripture in an attempt to be right about something, not because God had led me to do so but because of my own pride. 

One area that I think this sin is being employed right now in our world is with the gay marriage debate. This was a hot topic last fall and is now in the news because of the Supreme Court cases. 

I am not a Bible scholar. Many would probably say that I am not a good Christian. I will readily admit that I turned from God deliberately over the last decade. As I have turned back to the word and am grasping for faith, there are questions that haunt me. The way many people have treated homosexuals in the name of God has been a big sticking point for me. I don’t want to be associated with bigotry and hatefulness. I have been praying for God to give me understanding. 

The clarity on the issue of taking God’s name in vain seems like an answer for me. I am not going to offer an opinion on what the Bible says about sexual immorality and how that relates to homosexuality. That is not important for this discussion. More than likely you know my view. 

God does not justify hateful words and actions. Even if you believe being gay is sinful, even if, I question why this “sin” is receiving so much attention when the Bible clearly states other behaviors are sinful that are left ignored. It just seems disingenuous. 

I guess my struggle is that what feels like bigotry to me is being defended by evoking God’s word. So for me the belief is not what matters. It is the intention. If the intention is one of personal discomfort. If the intention is to “pick on” a minority group because it doesn’t actually require any personal change or sacrifice, well, I would just have to say that is misusing God’s word. 

This understanding offers me a peace as I work to strengthen my faith. God is love. God loves us all. As I worship God, I can do so knowing that not everything said in his name comes from him. And even that many need to ask themselves, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3.

Helping Hands

For some unknown reason, people are extremely generous to me. It seems that whenever I have a need others step in to offer a helping hand. For this I am grateful.

March has been a month of sickness at our house. We have only had brief respites between colds and viruses. A few weeks ago I had a nasty cold and my good friend Jen brought over dinner for my family. Last week when I was knee deep in Gracie's stomach bug, my sweet neighbor Pam brought over a delicious meal, hot from the stove and ready to put on the table for my family. A gaggle of delighted boys ran to my door holding yummy dishes while Jack yelled, "they are coming."

Homecooked meals during times of sicknesses are the best blessing. Nourishment for the body and the soul. A reminder of the friendships we have cultivated and the generous spirit of our friends and neighbors.

Another recent blessing came as we planned a family vacation to Disney World in Florida. You see, since having Grace I have battled with anxiety. As we worked to find lodging for our trip, I quickly became overwhelmed. The pressure of finding a fun place to stay made me want to cancel the whole thing. Just at the moment where the stress started to rain down, friends offered a solution and generous lodging gift. A relief just when I needed it.

Another neighbor recently offered words of encouragement. She stopped by my house for a quick visit and had to listen to me yammer on apologizing for the mess. Later I was at her house and she said that her house was a mess but that she thinks it is good for us to see each other's houses messy. What a smart and freeing statement. And what an extremely generous way to address my overabundance of insecurity.

I am not always good at receiving gifts of generosity. I tend to feel a need to repay the kindness. My mom offered sage advice. She told me not to take away others' opportunity to give a blessing. I am working on gracefully receiving the generosity and helping hands so often offered.

For now I will just say thank you and offer my genuine gratitude for the love and blessings.

A Crappy Week - Literally

The last time Grace threw up was October 2011. The last time Jack threw up was February 2011. The last time I threw up? Let's just say it involved a Halloween party and strong punch. Apparently after four years of being pregnant or nursing babies, my body was not up for the mystery punch at my friend's annual Halloween bash last year.

Anyway, my point is that we don't throw up much. I have friends whose kids are always puking. But for some reason the Driver house seems to avoid most of the nasty stomach bugs. Well, this week Grace caught an epic virus. It started Tuesday morning when I tried to put little Gracie in her chair for breakfast and she refused. It wasn't your normal, "I am two and gonna do what I want," kind of fussing. She didn't seem well. I sat her down on the floor and she proceeded to vomit all over herself, her lovey and baby, and of course me. 

She didn't throw up the rest of the day and seemed fine on Wednesday except for a little diarrhea. (Is anyone actually still reading this?) I thought she was on the mend. Thursday morning she had two runny poops before I took Jack to preschool. I got everyone ready and Jack to school on time. 

With all the pooping I didn't manage to dry my hair or finish getting ready for the day. Grace settled on my bed to watch Sesame Street and asked for milk. Grace drank her big sippy cup of milk and watched Big Bird while I dried my hair. After a few minutes Grace started to cry followed by large amounts of throwing up. My bed including pillow was soaked through. It was a mess. I got Grace in the tub and washed. Just as I was about to pull her out, she pooped in the tub. It was a bad fifteen minutes.

Finally today Grace stopped throwing up. It was five full days of sickness. Over the last week I have been thrown up on at least six times. I have done more loads of laundry than I can count. I have missed sleep, worried, cleaned, and held Grace just about all of her waking minutes. It is my job. I am a mom.

Now, I did not tell you this extremely gross and detailed story just to whine. During this week of exhaustion and cracked hands from too much washing, something occurred to me. There is no where else I would rather be. Don't get me wrong. I would rather be on a warm beach watching my healthy children frolic in the sand. But, if one of my sweeties must be sick, I want to be the one they are throwing up on.