Sweet Grace

Yesterday Grace had her weekly visit to the Children's Hospital. It was not good news. I am so confused because what I heard today does not match what I heard last week. So here is our newest prognosis. The harness did not work and BOTH hips are popping out. She is in a Rhino Cruiser brace for the week and she will meet with the doctor next Tuesday. If by some miracle her hips start to improve she may stay in the brace. If not, she will need surgery.

In this case, surgery does not mean cutting. At least not at this point. She will have a procedure done by a surgeon where she is under anesthesia, dye will be injected in her hips, the hips will be positioned in her sockets and she will be placed in a cast. After six weeks in the cast she will be put under again and be placed in a new cast. She will wear the cast a total of twelve weeks.

The good news: We know what the path is now and can prepare ourselves mentally. Also, her brace this week does not cover as much of her skin and will give the sores caused by the other harness time to heal prior to casting.

The bad news: The possible side effects of anesthesia and twelve weeks in a cast during the summer. Thank God we do not live in the south right now. That heat would put us over the edge.

So where am I on all of this?

"I ain't complaining but I'm tired so I'm just saying what I think"

I am mad, sad and scared. I am mad that over the last four weeks the information I have received seems inconsistent. I am mad that this was found late. A nurse in the hospital thought there was an issue when she was born. The pediatrician disagreed. We would be finished with this all by now if the doctor had addressed the problem at birth.

I am sad that sweet Grace has to deal with this. I am sad that my precious little Jack has to take second place to Grace's medical needs. I am sad that it is harder to snuggle with my sweet girl. I am just sad.

I am scared to death. Grace is eleven pounds and that is just too small to be put to sleep. I am so scared she will have complications from the anesthesia. I am also scared about how I am going to care for her. I am scared about how I will keep her comfortable and clean. I am scared about how she will sleep and how I can be present for Jack when I am exhausted.

It is going to be a hard summer. I will say that I am humbled through this. There are other mothers dealing with much harder circumstances. My life is blessed and I have not forgotten the great privilege with which I live. But this is my baby and I want her healthy!

I am sure there is some lesson I am supposed to learn from all of this but right now I just want to fast forward to when it is over.

My prayer is sweet Grace will come out of this healthy and healed, and also that sweet grace will carry me and my family through the next few months.