Wednesday, April 18, 2012
They Know Him
The information on how to change a diaper with a spica cast or what products worked well are relatively easy to write. The problem with delving into this topic is it takes me to a time ridden with guilt. When I reflect on this time I am disappointed with how I handled myself emotionally. I feel as if I should have shown more strength and grace. I should also share that when I talk to my inner circle about these feelings they all think I am being way too hard on myself and that I handled the time just fine.
Around the time Grace was born a few women I know were going through very challenging health situations with their children. The issues vary but each had been in the position to pray not just for their child's healing but for their child's life. The stories these women shared through blogs, Facebook or conversations over our back fence all provided perspective and encouragement. However, in seeing these stories I always felt like my situation didn't even compare to the hardships they faced and yet I could not find calm during my storm.
It wasn't until recently that I had an epiphany about these women. Each of these ladies love God. They walk it, they talk it, and they rely on Him when their personal storms hit. They share a common link even though they do not know each other - they know Him.
I haven't talked about my faith on this blog primarily because I don't want to be judged. I call myself a Christian but struggle with faith. If I had to classify myself I would be a doubting Thomas. I need to put my finger in the nail scarred hands. I struggle with doubt, but I so want there to be a God who loves us. The idea of floating through the world with only human power to guide is scary. During my time of struggle I could not find the peace I saw in these women. I tried to find strength on my own and could not. That kind of peace is only found in the power bigger than ourselves.
Growing up my mom would often tell me, "you never know who is watching and looking up to you." This statement usually came as a counter to my sassy or naughty behavior. I would dismiss my mom's comments because I wasn't the popular girl who influenced others. As usual, my mom was right. I was watching these ladies who didn't even know I was paying attention and finding strength through their example. You never know who is watching and being influenced by your words and actions. Thank you for the faith you each demonstrated. It helped strengthen my own.