Thursday, January 10, 2013

A Mindful Marriage

Each new year offers a chance to refocus from the busy holiday season and set goals for the new year. What do I want my life to look like when I wake up the morning of January 1, 2014? I have thought about this question a lot over the last week. The answer is that I love my life. Right now is a sweet and precious time with my family that I wish I could bottle and keep forever. I don’t have any major changes I want to happen this year. What I want is to cherish the right now and do my best to not get in the way of my own happiness. My focus this year is mindfulness. Throughout the rest of January I will share a few areas I am going to try and be more mindful. 

The most important relationship in my life is with my husband. That is the foundation of my family. Over the last year I put effort into treating my husband better. You will have to ask him if he noticed but I saw a positive change in our relationship. 

This year I want to focus on being mindful of how I interact with Christian. I want to pay attention while our relationship is strong and times are good. I believe that if I work each day to do my best as a wife then I am doing my job of maintaining a happy home. 

Here are a few ways to practice mindfulness in marriage: 

Complain less - It is not Christian’s job to listen to me gripe about my day or listen to my drama with others. Complaining just sets a negative tone and creates tension. Also, I will not complain about Christian. He works hard, loves our children, and provides a very nice life for us. I have zero reason to complain to him or about him. 

Respect him - Christian works hard to provide a great life for our family. I can support him and demonstrate my love by showing respect for his decisions and actions. I can do this by not second guessing him. I can do this by respecting our budget. And I can do this by respecting our relationship. 

Show love - Men receive love differently than women. Giving respect and appreciation through my words is important. But one big area many women struggle with is sex (yep, I said it). Have lots of sex with your husband. It is the number one piece of advice I have to offer for an easy way to make your man feel loved. This year I want to focus on showing Christian love. One way I plan to do this is by ironing his work clothes and making his lunch. I think these two small things will help make the start of his day easier and offer a reminder as he leaves our home each day that I love him. 

No criticism - My husband is a grown man. He does not need me to micromanage him. This will be the hardest one for me! Absolutely no criticism. If I have an issue that needs to be discussed then I need to be direct and say what I really mean. Criticism can create resentment that can lead to much bigger issues. I will focus on using kind words instead of nitpicking.

And fellas, if you want to be more mindful of your relationship with your wife you could offer to help her out around the house, keep the kids and give her time to herself, tell her that you love her more often, compliment her appearance, and tell her she is doing an awesome job running the home and raising the kids. 

Marriage is so important to a healthy and happy home. This year I plan to make mine a top priority. I am very blessed and lucky to have a solid marriage. It is my responsibility to see it stays that way. 

Stay tuned for a few more areas I want to bring focus to this year. 

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