Thursday, April 14, 2011
I Surrender All
Yesterday I found myself sobbing on my knees begging God to heal sweet Grace.
At Monday's doctor visit we were told Grace would have two more weeks in the harness and if things didn't start to look better she would need closed reduction surgery and be placed in a spica cast. Then yesterday I started reading www.hip-baby.org and became extremely discouraged. It hit me hard that this sweet, tiny baby -my sweet, tiny baby - has a long road ahead of her. I felt so helpless. I am her mother. She trusts me. I do not have the power to control her healing and it breaks my heart.
So there I am on my knees, crying, trying to pray, feeling helpless and I remember hearing Oprah say on a show I watched a few days ago on her new OWN channel, that when you find yourself lost with no good options it is time to surrender. I am not good at giving up control and most of my biggest struggles come from trying to control other people and various situations. Some may even say I can be manipulative. The gist is that I want to feel like I have the power to make things turn out like I think they should. Well, life doesn't really work that way.
But in that moment, tear stained face with snot running everywhere, I decided surrender was my only real option. I can make sure this sweet child has the best possible care but I cannot control whether that care works. So I turned it over to God. I surrendered.
Today I took Grace back to The Children's Hospital because yesterday her foot kept slipping out of her harness. We met with a different person and he explained Grace's condition in a way that made me more hopeful. He walked me through the different levels of hip dysplasia and said that with the condition of her left hip he wouldn't be surprised if it took up to five weeks to see improvement with the harness. Somehow my surrendering allowed me to see Grace's prognosis in a different light. I now have hope that we can correct this without multiple surgeries. There is still time for the harness to do its job.
I believe in the power of prayer. That is why I constantly ask for prayer. My life is a testimony of prayer's power. So now I pray in a state of surrender and wait.