Convicted

If you follow this blog or know me personally, it is evident I am going through a spiritual transition. I am changing internally and in the process God is convicting certain areas of my life.

The most obvious is my actual faith. As in believing God is who he says he is and that Jesus is the path to salvation. My faith was damaged in hypocrisy witnessed at an early age. The damage has been a convenient excuse to rebel against God.

Last night as I read my Bible study, it was revealed to me that I am being given a peaceful moment in life right now. At this time, I believe, God is giving me space to study and contemplate his word. The message I am getting is clear: Let go of rebellion and stubbornness and follow me.

As I work to develop my faith two other areas are standing out where I need victory in order to truly follow God and get over the hurdle of unbelief. Money and Mouth.

I am usually not a spender. I do spend money but usually in moderation. However, lately I am rearranging our house and hoarding supplies from Costco. Seriously, it is silly. As I am being shown that Christian's are commanded to sacrifice self (including our wealth) to serve the poor, my desire to buy stuff for me and my family is almost irresistible. We can afford to buy stuff but we don't actually need more stuff. And, I know that God is calling me to share my privilege.

The interesting concept this is touching is the hypocrisy that roadblocks my faith. You see, I struggle with the picking and choosing of sin that I see in "Christians". One area that really bugs me is the wealth of our nations and the disparity throughout the world. We don't even realize we are filthy rich. Yet, we are. Including you.

I believe God is convicting me in the area of money because I need to understand I am a hypocrite too. I need to understand the power of temptation to serve ourselves and our selfish desires instead of doing as God commands and loving our neighbors and giving our comfort to lift up the truly poor.

As for mouth, I probably don't even need to explain my struggle here. But, lately my mouth has been hard to control. I am not even being true to what I believe in half of what I am spewing. This is one reason I stopped using Facebook this summer. It offers too much temptation to misuse my words.

I am praying hard to have the wisdom and discernment to control my tongue. But it is not easy! Often I end up frustrated with myself for giving in to the temptation to run my mouth. Words are powerful. What we say and how we say it is one of our greatest examples of our faith. We can destroy God's work in others in a minute with harsh and unloving words.

Right now, I am not winning in any of these areas. My faith is weak, I am not resisting the temptation to spend for self and I am not controlling my tongue. But victory only comes through God.

The external of my life is peaceful but the internal is in conflict. I know victory in faith, money and mouth will bring me closer to living out God's purpose for my life. The struggle is hard but victory will be sweet.