Sunday, May 29, 2011
I can do all things...
I may look back on this time in my life and think, "whoa that was rough" or I may look back and think "that is the summer I finally grew up."
Please don't take this post as whining. Please, because I am not whining. I just feel like things are too much today. Our 12 1/2 year-old chocolate lab, Radley, hurt his back leg yesterday and is likely not going to recover. This is so heartbreaking. I have never had a family dog before and as Christian recently pointed out, I have spent a third of my life with Radley. He was one of my first conversations with Christian. I worked at Christian's office in Georgia for a few weeks the summer before I graduated from college. We were walking in from lunch one day with a big group of people and Christian had pictures of his dog. I asked the dog's name and Christian said Radley which started a conversation about our mutual favorite book of all time, "To Kill A Mockingbird." Who knows where I would be today if there were no Radley to get me talking to the love of my life.
I am trying not to be selfish and ask: why us? why now? how much more? Part of me is scared to think about it because truly in spite of this rough patch, we are so very blessed. And part of me already knows the answer: Why not me?
Last night Grace had a rough night. I probably only got three hours of total sleep. And Christian slept on the couch with Radley because he could make it up the stairs. It just seems like things are really hard right now. I know that we are not promised an easy time but I feel like I am being tested to my core. I actually feel at peace most of the time. I am holding my own through this and can feel God working to keep me strong. But then I have moments, like right now, where I just feel weary. I am just not sure I am strong enough to walk through this.
I know that time will pass. Grace will get better. We will mourn our dog. Life will feel normal again. But the walking through it, now that is the tough part.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13